Jesus: Jesus, who lived 4,625 years ago (coexisting with cavemen, mammoths, and dinosaurs) was a good-old-boy and a warrior.
Shockingly (though admittedly, during a crisis of faith), Emre also claims that God is a narcissist who really just wants credit for everything He's done and used ghostwriters (possibly the Holy Ghost) to pen the Bible. God created every sport, and He knows (and bets on) the outcome of every game ever played. God is omniscient and interventionist life is predestined. (Such a man still mustn't marry those women, however, as taking multiple wives is forbidden.) Emre's God is profoundly opposed to all non-heterosexual sex and marriage a child raised by two dudes would become the spawn of Satan, and Emre's pretty sure that Aaron's pie-banging is why they've been condemned to Purgatory. (Emre does not disagree with Aaron supposition that his God is a white dude with white hair.) God is opposed to most premarital sex, but, as with Noah after the Flood, one man having sex with multiple women is fine in order to repopulate the human race. God: Emre imagines God as the manliest man of all time, with a long beard huge, hairy hands and a tattoo.
See Recurring Themes (The Gospel According to Emre) for each season for details of Emre's various, sometimes contradictory claims. Over time, Emre paints a clear picture of his idea of the Christian God, albeit one clearly based on disjointed snippets of Biblical scripture, half-remembered episodes of VeggieTales, lessons learned during a seemingly abusive Texan upbringing, and pure fabrications invented on the spot to support his arguments. As a former Sunday School teacher and warped religious zealot, Emre lectures Aaron about God and Jesus frequently throughout the series.
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